8:grafix

Hello world. I still live. Some.

I am such a fool. Nothing new really. At the moment I’m trying desperately to make everything right again and have the feeling this is going to take a while.

Over my birthday I had a complete nervous breakdown, which scared the living shit out of me. But things will get better. I have returned to writing again. And I totally take that as a good sign. People have to cope with stuff and my way seems to be to either write short scenes that reek of blood (vampires, don’t ask - at least no zombies!) or short english poems which people always think are love poems. Which they are not, except one little one that I wrote for someone who does not and will never care about me.

Too gloomy? Well, don’t be weirded out. It’s just that today I had a look in my “text” folder on my old laptop. My other computer does not work, so I have a forced (albeit welcome) break from the World of Warcraft (game, called Warcrack by some for a reason!) and made a cup of hot tea and read stuff long forgotten. My mind keeps repeating “I really wrote that?” over in my head with every piece I read, from a review of Gibsons “Passion of Christ” to “Shaun of The Dead” and a little piece I found that I had forgotten I ever wrote about.

I want to write these things again, because you know that simple line is true in so many ways: Life is too short.

And it is too precious to waste with artificial people who judge you by damage per second.

So my creativity is still missing, but things get better - see, and now my tea is cold. Have to get another cup. There’s more to read.

This really made me smile, when they sort of announced it - well, it wasn’t a surprise to a lot of people, I think. And cool to see that the nerds have picked up on it.  *grins*

Supernet Couple

Is it summer yet?

Well, the weather left almost every daily newspaper I’ve picked up from my mailbox drenched in water. It’s not just raining, it is pouring. At least it was like this most of the week. I have nothing against a bit of rain during the night, let’s me go to sleep faster. But all during the day, it is depressing.

It did match my mood, but that is another story. I’d rather not talk about it. I don’t need to reflect every emotion I’ve been through the last two weeks over and over and I’d rather not remember…

Just - I have not been posting anything here and it makes kind of even sadder to see this not being updated in over a month. Grml.

But apart from trying to find a new job, nothing is going on. Well, it is enough for me right now and I dearly hope I will be able to write a post about a new job soon. Wish me luck, I can use a little I think.

And maybe a hammer.
On Saturday we went shopping to IKEA. I was looking for something with a lot of drawers for my bedroom (called ‘Kommode’ in German - dresser??). Well, anyway - when we were coming up the stairs I saw a very nice and big shelf that would really look awesome in my kitchen. So we wrote that one down and then we went looking for other neat things.
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The Joss won the Bradbury! Yeah!
Bradbury Award speech by Joss
Just watch it, best speech. Ever.

Yes, squeeing like the fangirl that I am right now.
Though, being at work, this got me some puzzled stares. Well, will continue real squeeing at home later.

The things that need doing and which I’m constantly pushing further away are piling up. This is not good, this won’t go away on itself. I need to get this sorted out, this week.

It is tiring to get home to the same crap all the time. There’s a list waiting to be worked on and before it is going to be epic - I’ll start today by doing the rest of my laundry and check to see what I need to buy (at least two trousers and some t-shirts…) for the summer.

Then I’ll have to sort out my living room which has become a dump of a sort. Mainly for discarded Amazon boxes. I need to throw away some paper. Yeah, I feel like throwing away a lot at the moment. And not just paper. I’m too sentimental. I’m too nice. Have to be more aggressive, not just with paper.

Have to limit online time as well, not just gaming - all online time or “do not switch on your computer before you have not done stuff on THE LIST!”

There may be days I will not get to switching it on at all. I’ll get used to this, I hope. I cannot remember the days I checked my email only every other day, not 50 times every day. Somehow this does not count as an official addiction…

… well, and buy ice cream. Rewards are nice, too.

… to listen to at the moment. This is of course limited to what I currently have on my iPod.

1. Cranius & Summergale - Ulduar
2. The Fray - Say When
3. Runrig - From the North
4. Kings of Leon - Be Somebody ( <3 KoL, favorite band atm)
5. Polarkreis 18 - Happy Go Lucky
6. Snow Patrol - Disaster Button
7. The Ting Tings - We Walk
8. Mando Diao - Gloria
9. Placebo - Without You I’m Nothing
10. Grand Avenue - Bullet

I need to get me some Gorillaz on there.

… and a bunny.

Happy Easter, everbody!

On related stuff: I really need a break from different things and I definately have to start drawing again. Easter is hopefully a quiet long week-end for exactly that.

More of the bunnies: Tuzki Bunny Icons

I got an email. It was written by someone I like to talk to. A lot.

There has been much laughter and giggles and booze-induced sexy talk. I wouldn’t call it completely innocent but mostly it is that. And now we have been stepping across some boundaries with an ease that I would expect from a much older relationship. I blame the whole thing on the internet. Its anonymity lets me be much bolder than I really am (or am I that bold for real?) and then he says something like “I googled you” and I get all panicky. And so it goes on and on.

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Today, at the start of spring, and with the sun - you might think one could not be gloomy. But I’m still trying to digest it all. My stomach is aching, I’ve got a cough - not feeling too good at the moment.
I’ll need to take a good long rest, I’m so tired.

So plan for today: get everything done as quickly as possible, leave PC untouched (I doubt I can) - change sheets, clean kitchen, go to bed.
Sounds alright, I wonder how much of this I can actually do today. I’m more like, go straight to bed when you are home…

I took a bit of time when I got home from the funeral and the trip to Saxony, but I think it was not enough. Some were a bit shocked how tired and wiped out I looked at the funeral, but I mean that’s how you look when you don’t really sleep - nightmares just do that to you.

Winter is over, now it all gets better - it has to. I just need the confidence to believe it.